I am sure many of you will have watched the Beauty and the Beast film. Unfortunately, films can blur the lines between romance and abuse. One could argue that Belle is held captive in the Beast’s castle, where he showers her with gifts and extravagant gestures, attempting to win her affection through manipulation and control; not exactly a fairytale by any means.
Domestic abuse can take various forms. One element of coercive and controlling behaviour is love bombing, which is now recognised in the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) guidelines on how to prosecute abusive partners.
Since 2018, over 1,800 people have been prosecuted for coercive and controlling behaviour, which was introduced as an offence in December 2015.
Love bombing is a tool often utilised by those who have narcissistic tendencies or personality disorders. The term has gained traction on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, garnering hundreds of millions of views and interactions.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is an abusive tactic in which a person will shower their victim with overt and excessive affection, compliments, gifts and attention, overwhelming them as a way to gain their trust to ultimately control and manipulate them.
Love-bombing is a tactic used by an abuser to manipulate and confuse their victim. Ultimately it is a mechanism for exerting greater control over them. This tactic can therefore make it easier to gain a victim’s trust in romantic and personal relationships, almost like a false feeling of love at first sight, manufactured by the abuser.
Once the abuser has cemented their place within their victim’s life, they will then withdraw the positive attention and affection, leaving them confused as to what they have done wrong, instinctively blaming themselves for the withdrawal and thinking they may not have been grateful enough or that they have made the abuser unhappy.
They may then try harder to earn back the positivity from their abuser, therefore instigating a cycle of abuse.
How do you spot the signs of love bombing?
Due to its nature, love bombing can be incredibly difficult to spot, making it difficult for victims to realise and seek help.
Signs you should look out for can include, but are not limited to:
- A rapid escalation, rushing or pressuring you towards intimacy and commitment.
- Excessive gift-giving, with no particular purpose or reason.
- Extensively communicating their feelings for you in a dramatic fashion: ‘you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are my world’ – this often occurs very early into a relationship.
- A flurry of compliments and praise, while demanding you remain in constant contact with them.
- Over-stepping your boundaries, under the pretence that they are doing so as they ‘care about you’.
- Planning out their entire future with you, with promises of making a family and a life together, once again prematurely into a relationship.
- Isolating you from others and removing positive influences in your life.
Is love bombing just used in relationships?
Even though love bombing is often referred to in terms of a romantic relationship, it can take place in any form. It could also be when a parent focuses all their attention and praise on one child but then withdraws this and focuses on another child, therefore effectively making their children compete for the affection of their parent.
This can be prominent where couples have separated. A parent may manipulate their child so they attempt to remain in the abusive parent’s ‘good books’, and causing the child to unwittingly think negatively about the other parent, while craving positive reinforcement.
How can EJ Coombs Solicitors help?
Abusive behaviour can have a profound impact on both your mental health and the way you view future and existing relationships. It is important to seek help from a professional at the earliest opportunity. If you have any concerns, contact EJ Coombs Solicitors: 01883 343460.
